The Homemaker's Trap

Proverbs 14:1:  "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands."

I've heard this verse a zillion times and have always agreed with the "yeah, whatever" general meaning of it.  However, tonight I was reading through Proverbs and stopped on this one to really think about how this plays out in real life---how have I pulled down my house with my hands?

Any time we deliberately cause strife and negativity in our homes, we are pulling them down with our hands.  Your mother, like mine, may have taught you that the woman sets the tone for the home.  Boy howdy, it's the truth:  If mama ain't happy--ain't NObody happy!  (This is because we, unfortunately and immaturely, make sure that everyone around us knows that there's a problem---and then we expect them to read our minds and fix it. ...But that's another post...)

One way we can pull down our homes is by sabotaging our good times together as a family.  What?  You've never done this?  Well, perhaps you should be writing this article!  Oftentimes, and especially with those of us who have gone through times when we were abandoned or lied to, we tend to deliberately (even if not totally consciously) put a damper on a happy day---for fear that something else will happen to ruin it---something that we had no control over.  We rationalize this behavior by thinking that we just can't handle the rejection or hurt that would come from something or someone else messing up a good time, so we decide to mess it up first so we have control over how that happens.

My mom has a saying that goes something like, "Never be afraid to pick a flower, just because you know it will wither."  I can't tell you how many times I've heard that---but never really "got it" until I was an adult.  Ladies, do we really want to run from all the wonderful blessings that life has to offer, just because we're afraid of the bad things that WILL happen in between?  We've only got a short time here---let's enjoy every minute!

Another way in which we often pull down our homes is in the times that we refuse to face the problems in our lives because of fear or laziness---or both!  What happens when your kid starts to throw a tantrum in the Walmart check out?  Are you afraid of what people with think of your discipline? Instead of taking care of the problem, do you ignore him in order to appear to be a "good mommy" who is "nice" to her children by not walloping them in public?  Are you sick of dealing with him so you ignore his behavior and stand there texting your friend/husband/mother about how bad this day is?

Proverbs 13:24 says, "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly."

Why allow your child to develop bad character by giving him chance after chance to obey?  Each chance leading up to the "last straw" is an opportunity to rebel, disrespect, and snub authority.  When your mama said, "I'm doing this for your own good", there was truth to that! A parent who is concerned for her child's future will take the initiative and responsibility NOW.  She will mold that character in the ways of God and correct wrong behavior.  Do this--- while it's still something as simple as dealing with whining for the strategically-placed candy bars at the check out!

Thirdly, a foolish woman pulls down her house by allowing a lack of order and a lack of planning to create a stressful atmosphere in her home.

When there are no meals planned then mother, father or children are scrambling to find something to eat and it usually ends up being something unhealthy.  Family meal times are missed out on as each person is required to scavenger the cupboards for something edible and then go off to do his or her own thing. 

When there are no clean clothes, or the clean laundry stays on the couch for days at a time, time is wasted trying to find something to wear and one might even resort to pulling dirty clothes out of the laundry basket just to put a decent outfit together.

When we wake up to a messy bedroom, a sink of dirty dishes, or an overflowing garbage can, it starts our day off on a negative note and makes us feel overwhelmed.  When we go to bed looking at a dresser covered in clothes that need to be hung up or yesterday's evening snack dishes still sitting on the bedside table, it stresses us out and makes us feel guilty that we didn't do enough that day.

These issues of lack of order and lack of planning all come down to prioritizing our time.  We need to be careful not to take on too many things that get in the way of our basic responsibilities.  Do you find yourself working as hard as you can every day but still not getting it all done?  If we are putting forth our best efforts each day, we should see progress and we should feel a sense of accomplishment for the things we succeeded at.  If you are not feeling this, I encourage you to talk to God about what you can cut out of your life to make things run more smoothly.

God will give us the time we need to do the things He has called us to do.  We will be able to do them well and with a peaceful spirit.  If you are feeling overwhelmed, you've probably got some things in your life that God didn't approve.  Ask Him what they are---He will be faithful to show you.

I'll be honest with you.  I am a stay at home, homeschooling mom of eight children.  In my heart, I believe that God's desire is for a married woman to be a homemaker and a mother, if God blesses her with children.  However, I know this is not feasible for everyone and I know there are many homemakers out there who also work outside the home and love it.  I know there are moms out there who sometimes feel torn between a job that they either want or need, and their home and children that they desire to give more attention to.

I am not about to tell you what God's will and purpose is for your life---that's between you and Him.  What I know to be true is that any of us with a "house" has the opportunity to either build it up with good deeds and hard work or tear it down with laziness and negative attitudes.  I challenge you to take some time sometime soon and evaluate how you are doing in this area.

Each one of us has room for improvement!

This article was featured in The Godly Home magazine.

Jan. 27th--Linking with: